Faces of the Forum

"Fantastic" Doctor Floyd



Occupation: "Salesman"
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Age: 62

Doctor Floyd is a self-proclaimed alchemist and healer, Floyd is a glorified snake-oil salesman. He sets up shop in the Forum, peddling useless balms and tonics concocted from fish oils, herbs, and occasionally less savory ingredients. Rarely offering the same product twice, Floyd has managed to stay one step ahead of his many dissatisfied customers.

Floyd's latest product is what he calls his "Fortifying Tonic", a pungent and syruplike goop that is said to cure everything from arthritis to syphillis and is guaranteed to "Improve Vigor and Reduce Harmful Humours."

Durpho the Gastronome

Occupation: Cook
Location: The Forum, Remia
Race: Gnome
Sex: Male
Age: 54

Durpho loves food. His entire life revolves around it. Judging by his girth, his eventual death will likely be caused by it. He is like a huge grape, seemingly perfectly round with a chubby little head and chubby little hands and feet sticking out of it. To say he is fat would be an understatement and a tremendous disservice to his obsession.

As a cook, Durpho is extremely competent. In fact, some rumors floating around claim that he was once the head chef of some gnomish noble, but was exiled for offending the noble's wife. Apparently, she did not enjoy the giant birthday cake that Durpho baked for her husband - perhaps owing to the twin halfling courteseans inside, who jumped out and not only scared the lady witless but seduced the pants off of the noble. Of course, that is just a rumor; few know if it really holds truth.

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Addendum: If asked, Smoothe will readily testify that it does. It was he who introduced the gnome to Rosalind Grey and got him his first job in Remia city, having befriended him years earlier on his travels.

Durpho lives in the kitchen of the Tradewinds, under the stairs actually. He loves his job, enjoys the compliments brought back to him by the flagonfists in the Forum who serve his incredible dishes to the patrons, and really finds the people of Remia to be good fun all around. He is even a favorite of many members of the Senate, who appreciate immensely his bawdier creations.

Hazy Fandalvera



Occupation: Cook, Musician
Location: Forum, Remia
Race: Half-elf
Sex: Male
Age: 28

Hazy's an attractive male half-elf with roasted almond-colored skin, jet black hair, and seagreen eyes... He's slick but not greasy as his hair slicked back into a ponytail kept under a white skullcap. He stands about 5' and is starting to show the signs of getting a bit plump and doesn't appear to be the slightest bit worried about it. Hazy keeps a warm, friendly glow about his face, which is from a combination of genuine happiness and a certain appreciation for fine alcohol.

Hazy is a lover of life and happiness, which probably explains why he left the trade of adventuring during the early height of such a career. He stumbled upon the Forum just after returning home from his last voyage and has long since become a regular performer and chef. Wilky is not a particularly greedy man but he has a love for fine clothes, delicious food, and good drink.

He also likes gold jewelry with large, impressive stones, and constantly has his hurdy gurdy checked out and worked on as to keep it in quality working order. As such, Wilky is either constantly performing at the entertainment hall or on the road seeking other venues.

Hazyy is a writer of delightful, often silly songs. His most popular is about a group of dancing chickens who perform in the throne room of a wealthy and normally sophisticated king. He often performs with a few local girls called "The Thongs".

Widow Roll

Occupation: Baked Goods Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Age: 48

Widow Roll is never called anything but "Widow", for she has buried no less than three husbands to date (they died of sheer obesity). She is a chubby, jovial woman with brown hair and laughing green eyes. She is an exquisite cook as well as a crackerjack baker, and not a few bachelors or widowers of the city seek her plump little hand in marriage. The Widow is something of a flirt (particularly with older men) but is no dingbat; she runs her business very capably. She misses each of her three husbands, but will probably marry again someday. She is always looking for husbands for her three daughters, being a firm belever in matrimony.

Sesame Roll

Occupation: Baked Goods Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Age: 26

Sesame is the Widow's eldest daughter; like her mother, she is chubby, brown-haired, and green-eyed. Sesame's father was the Widow's first husband; however, she uses the same surname as her mother, as do all the daughters (this surname came from the Widow's last husband, Druton Roll).
Sesame has the same capable head for business as her mother, but takes badly to the Widow's matchmaking efforts since a bad romance has left her something of a man-hater.

Poppy Roll
Occupation: Baked Goods Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Age: 22

Poppy is the issue of the Widow's second marriage; she also resembles her mother. Poppy is a complete scatterbrain, but quite lovable. She loves men, but is too fanciful to settle down with one, preferring to play the field.

Sweet Nell Roll
Occupation: Baked Goods Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Age: 17

Sweet Nell is the child of the Widow's last husband; unlike her sisters, she is petite. The Widow sometimes worries about this (she thinks that fat is good for the system) but Nell eats just as much as her sisters do, so the Widow hopes that she will soon fill out her figure. Nell is very popular with the local swains, but she is a dreamer and a dyed-in-the-wool romantic, and will settle for nothing less than the handsomest of princes. A young Remian soldier is currently wooing her (and has gained 30 pounds in the process), but although she likes him, she is still holding out for her knight in shining armor.

"Old Sam"
Occupation: Baked Goods Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Age: Unknown

Old Sam looks about 80 years old. He has snow-white hair, a white beard, is thin, and seems senile. He brings the baked goods from the bakeshop to the stand at the Forum and does odd jobs around the bakeshop (such as stoking the ovens, and cleaning up), but his main function is to ice cakes, for he has definite genius for elaborate frosting work.
Sam has several geriatric quirks, like his odd dreams, which he passes off as wine-provoked illusions. He likes wine, though he is not a drunkard. Old Sam is somewhat taciturn and is very loyal to the Widow and her daughters, all of whom he is very fond.

Sam Rood

Occupation: Salmagundi Vendor
Location: Remia
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Age: 42

Sam Rood is a large, gravel-voiced man with an elaborate waxed mustachio and dark eyes. He dresses in eye-blinding motley, a wide-brimmed hat with multi-colored feathers, and knee-high boots. He always carries a cutlass and has two throwing knives in the top of his boots.

Sam is a former pirate, formerly a member of the Adventuress, a ship commanded by the infamous Grinning Jack Gothrin. It was during his pirate days that he learned to cook salmagundi, a popular pirate vittle. Sam retired from piracy some years ago with a comfortable amount of booty. Leaving the Adventuress behind, he began his business simply for the fun of it and has no wish to ever return to sea. Despite this, Sam spends a good deal of time at the waterfront, peddling his foodstuff.

Sam is very content with how his life has turned out and avoids trouble. Nevertheless, he is a mean man in a fight, being very strong and familiar with combat to the death.

Skeeball is the name of Sam's pet monkey and constant companion. Skeeball usually sits astride Sam's shoulder. Any attack on Sam would cause Skeeball to assault the attacker with all the strength in his small body, clawing and scratching and biting savagely. Likewise, anyone who tries to harm Skeeball would quickly find himself transfixed by several inches of Sam's steel.

Renault, Poet for Hire

Occupation: Poet
Location: Remia
Race: Half-elf
Sex: Male
Age: 38

Renault is a poet for hire - but not a very good one. His relative lack of skill is precisely the reason why he has come to the Forum in the first place. He was previously employed by the Senate to write paeans to its glorious members on public occasions. His inability to do so in a fashion pleasing to the Senators (or anyone else for that matter) led to his dismissal. With that black mark on his good name, no one would hire him, at least not anyone in the more refined parts of town.

Now, Renault is reduced to writing bawdy drinking songs and insipid love poems for dirty old men looking to bed their neighbors' wives. The sad fact is that, as much as he hates doing so, Renault is much better suited to this than he was looking for in polite society. His vulgar songs are extremely popular, and judging from the number of divorce proceedings in recent weeks, his love poems have had their desired effect as well. Even so, Renault dreams of the day when he might be able to again undertake more lofty projects, and he will try his best to convince anyone who has connections among the upper classes of the city to allow him to do so.